San Francisco Stations ov Stupid – Weekday Parade
0. JUSTIN HERMAN/EMBARCADERO PLAZA
Such is the wonder that is both logical,mathamatical and yet still beyond the mere compretention of one such as “i” and the many that are “ya’ll”. Before a “1” can become itself it must have the lack of it’self to know that it is a “1”….hence and thus, the first station of stupid is #0, and yea, it is the BEGINNING in EMBARCADERO PLAZA at the FOOT O’ MARKET @ STEUART whereat we perform the inductions and re-membership of the gathered flock, hither to known as “flockers”. The obligatory group photo is taken, uplinked, downloaded, photoshopped,converted,e-mailed and lost in the aether of the web/net for future reference. The chants are rehearsed, costumes inspected,the drum is warmed up and starting with the left foot we head west south west up the south side of Market (on the sidewalk) towards the…
1. FEDERAL RESERVE HQ
Whereat we pause to kiss the ass of the most powerfull unelected and suspicious financial body in the world, the FEDERAL RESERVE BANK. It is here that BISHOP JOEY thanx the FED for helping turn our economy from rural to industrial to service to information to casino by blessing the FED with losing lottery tickets. For information on the FCLL”s “SURE FIRE PLAN FOR FINANCIAL FREEDOM”, stay tuned.
The “FLOCKERS” who are invested in this “GARUNTEED” plan for success will also be throwing their losing lottery tickets. Don’t be left out.
Then its across the MAIN st MARKET intersection to the NORTH side of MARKET WEST to BEALE, make a right, one block to CALIFORNIA st,cross over BEALE to…
2. THE TOMB OF STUPID (101 California)
Whereat we assemble the flockers on the step units near the TOMB O’STUPID door. After what seems like a half an eternity the drums stop, the flock hushes and aN official FCLL ‘nun’ or ‘altered boy’ assumes the position and KNOCKS on the DOOR of the TOMB O STUPID. WITH FERVENT FRESH BAITED BREATH the flockers await an answer to the knocks (3). Not wanting to beat a dead horse, as they say, we move on…..heading WSW on CALIFORNIA to BATTERY, TURN LEFT….NO, THE OTHER LEFT, head SOUTH on BATTERY to MARKET ST and……
3. THE STATUE OF THE BARE BUTT MECHANICS
Whereat we gather the flock unto the plaza displacing pigeons and lunchers to perform the TIGHTENING OF THE LUG NUTZ and the LEAP OF FAITH. This ritual is crucial to the earthquake safety of the FINANCIAL DISTRICT and is provided free by the FCLL. At some point during the BUSHY administration the MEMORIAL JOHN ASHCROFT BUTT COVER RITUAL was added to this station….if someone remembers to bring the covers. Then its SW on market half way to SANSOME for the SUPER SECRET SHORT CUT to….
4. THE SUNKEN PLAZA OF SLACK
Wherein it is mandated by the PARADE UNION LOCAL #34 that we take a PARADE REST. 10 min. In honor of a previous rainy year parade we may perform the HOLY SQUEAK, if someone remembers to bring the balloons.Then its back to MARKET ST, across SANSOME, make o right and into…
5. CITI BANK ATRIUM AND FOUNTAIN FUN
….If they leave their doors open. If the doors are closed (dipshits!) we may do the COME BACK WHEN YOUR NORMAL CHANT in honor of the MARTYRDUMB OF BISHOP JOEY story. Udderwize its NORTH on SANSOME to PINE, make a LEFT, YOUR LEFT, YOUR LEFT YOUR LEFT YOUR LEFT to….
6. THE SOCK EXCHANGE
Sure, i know, they’ve moved, but the edifice is there and its on the way so, close enuff. Hereat is where we perform the TRADITIONAL SOCK EXCHANGE ( from a suggestion by PHIL FRANK r.i.p.) I got a great half a pair of argyles one year, so i keep hoping for the other one , a left foot, to show up. Then its WEST on PINE to the intersection of MONTGOMERY for the DIAGONAL PEDESTRIAN CROSSWALK OF CONSTERNATION to the other side of PINE, one more block WEST and its RIGHT on KEARNY….to:
7. THE BANKERS HEART (KEARNY @ CALIFORNIA)
Where to we circle the HEART till that gets old then we perform the THANK THE BANK PENNY TOSS ritual. Bishop Joey has saved his pennies all year, have you? Then its east on CALIFORNIA Back to….
0. THE STATION OF THE END
Where the flockers get OROBORUSED and notes are given on the parade and how to make it better for next year, dues are collected, presents to BISHOP JOEY are given and the traditional SEE YA NEXT YEAR CHANT is chanted.
any questions?